How Not to get Published

Inept as I am at getting published, I feel bad giving people writing advice. Something not right about that. You should only give tips on how to do things you personally have experience doing.

That being said, here are my tips for making sure you never get published.

1) Write about stuff no one cares about in a way no one cares to read.
2) Include the phrase “I’ll make you famous” in your queries.
3) Rely on God to persuade editors to publish your work rather than your writing skills.
4) Spend your writing time going to writing conferences and reading writing books.
5) Write blogs about writing rather than writing.
6) Never finish editing.
7) Don’t write.

I guarantee, if you follow these tips closely, you will never ever be published.